It hitted me again.
Boredom. Loneliness. Hunger. Melancholy.
Eventho everything's really fine. But still.
Might become a Wednesday tradition
Over breakfeast I fighted with myself, do or do not to go to this meeting.
Well, I decided to leave with my bike, to fight against this annoying little wet snow-rain and the wind which was, of course, towards me.
Straight towards.
The the feeling in school, "Can't be bothered".
But somehow, managed.
Listened Laura Pausini and got a ride to busstop, which always is a huuge plus.
Then I just decided that this day is getting better from NOW ON.
And so it did.
Well, at least a bit.
I had to vacuum the house so that wasn't my favourite.
But still, I'm turning 19 on SUnday ! It'll be wicked ! Gonna party as hard as last year..
but little bit more prettier way...
No hitting the back of my head to a stone-wall, screaming " TO VALLILAAAAAAAAA" in the centre of the dancefloor.. or anything like that..
Haha, that's what I say NOW.
Anyway, in the mean time, I'm going to sit here and watch Red Panda videos.
All the time.
I just freakin love them.
They are SSO.CUTE. Here you go.
Well if yesterday I felt like Rocky and Eye of the Tiger, it's pretty much the opposite today.
No, I didn't fail in an exam.
No, I didn't fight with my best friend.
No, I didn't leave my boyfriend.
No, I didn't miss the bus.
No, we didn't have bad food in school.
And no, my parents didn't shout at me.
It didn't even rain that much.
I'm just having a lazy, incapable, boring, lonely, bad-moody afternoon.
Just the feeling of complete dumpness, idiotness and loneliness.
Nothing interesting or to worry about.
JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
If you understand finnish, this is called the epic Miljoonasade - Marraskuu -feeling.
Never had that feeling that you're little bit of afraid of going somewhere because you haven't been there for a while and may not be able do so good you used do?
Or you might've miss some thing and now might be a little lost in there?
In practice, for example me, being sick for weeks and miss the fitness-boxing for 3 weeks.
This week I felt good and not sick, but mentally I felt like "I don't really bother to go..what if I cannot run so much than before? I'm really not that good to hit.."
But then I just decided that if I don't go, it's totally useless to complain if I feel I'm not fit enough or don't have the condition to run long enough.
It's all about myself.
So then I went with mum and it wasn't even that bad !! Of course we did a bit less than normal and not quite at the fullest.
Well, our coach noticed that and came to compeed against me. HUNDRED HITS LOTTA, HARDER, HARDER, YOU CAN DO HARDER ! And I just keep oon hitting with both hands.
The feeling that I.can't.do.this.anymore.This.bloody.HURTS.
But after you got over that, the AMAZING feeling that goes through your muscles and you just keep on doing.
And THE WINNER-feeling after that. YES !
So why not just do the decision?!
Why just sit on your ass and go through all those "what if.." "I can't.." "I should.." "I don't know.." "What he/she/mum/people will think.."
JUST GO FOR IT !!!
What ever it is.
Going for a run after half a year, buy a new dress coloured an unusual color for you, ask that one person out, eat junkfood for the second time for the day, comment to a half-friends nice photo, put your hand up in class, go to a library..
What ever !
Just forget about what other people MIGHT think, what do they know?!
I'm really bad in this kind of thinking.
I go through everybodys MIGHTVE-thoughts and consider all the worse comeouts.
But I've tried during recent years to forget about that.
I have started to do things spontaneusly and pretty much the saying "Go with the flow" is the philosophy that I like to follow.
Of course sometimes you need to think about consequenses and reasons and stuff but still you can always relax a bit and do what your heart says.
Good examples of things that has come out without too much thinking, or planning and lead up to amazing memories.
Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through
When food is gone you are my daily need
When friends are gone I know my savior's love is real
You know it's real
Babysitting.
A huge computerhappening with heaps of nerds, me, A and little sister playing Mario Kart.
Friends, free coffee, SingStar.
Driving A's car, wicked.
Pizza, chicken nuggets, drinks, good fun with old, honest VHS-videos.
Aistit means SENSES.
(the last line " put your finger there where it tickels the most"
raised a bit of laughs amongst 18-year old me&A)
Little sister going to sleep, me&A continuing the night with black drinks and Sex and The City
The rest of the evening with the Boy, good too.
Pillow fight every now and then just does good for everyone, doesn't it?
Today, being an actress again.
This time as a pizza-deliver and a youth politican.
And then just things that have made me smile recently. Life's not that bad isn't it?
Theanti-birthdayparty of Teri a.k.a Funny hats teaparty. Always have to have a theme for a party ! so I was glad everybody had done something to their head, when the theme is very simple and quite easy but still flexible for those who want to do more (inc.me..)
Otherwise, nothing happening except the rain. And somethings I hate, e.q heaps of people in the shopping centres on Saturdays and you have all your wintercoats on and heaps of carryings AND THEN someone stops right in front of you !
When you are quite excited about a wee trip to Estonia. And have a professional focuser with you
Estonia was good. People from Finland go there to buy cheap alcohol. We would not do that.
No facephotos this time. You know why.
And because it has been raining, I have been sick and I have had a thing going on called "trying to do less"(pyrkiny vähentää).
It's a thing when you try to do less something, originally hitting on dudes in the bar ( originally made by Cheek ) but many people do it when trying to do less partying.
And it's good for my sickness and wallet. I have managed well !!
So there has been heaps more movies watched.
N:O 7 The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
This was a really good movie about life-sentenced prisoners.
Once again, I didn't know at all what to expect.
It was a talently written movie about friendship, justice and black money. And I like movies where there is a moment when you think someone's going to do something(e.q kill himself) and then he doesn't. Or does, when you didn't expect it.
But deserves it's place on the list !
Then. N:O 9 The Prestige (2006)
My absolute favourite so far !!
I loved the idea of the movie because mostly in movies people try to catch each other and kill because of money or drugs. This time it was because of magic tricks ! Awesome script !
And of course it was coloured with a love story, clones and mean copiers, all the good elements. Reaaaaly good movie and definetly should be in this list !
And one more to this post,
NO 31
The Departed (2006)
Another gangstermovie. It was good, with suprising turns and good lines but it didn't turn my world around. Clever I'd say ! : ) Well, okay, maybe there was enough suprisness to stay on this list : )
Less than a month to my 19th b-day ! What to doooooo !? Something like this? I'm pretty sure my mum has planned something similar :))
The other day was pretty good, things just fell to their place !
I had planned to have a wee photoshoot with my friend Jurriina for her campaign to get to this kind of like an organisation. So, I had a nice day with The Boy and then jumped to this bus going the motorway from one later stop than usually. I found Annika, Jurriinas sister and my close friend, known from the earlier posts, and had a good chat with her.
Arriving to Klaukkala and leaving the bus, what the hell, Jurrina has been in the same bus with us but we haven't noticed her!! :D Hahahah, wicked.
So then us all marched to the supermarket to buy something to eat, well, the father of these two girls walks towards us and says he has the car and some bakings for us to have with our afternoon tea. Aawesome !!
So we got a ride which was a blessing in the little, annoying and very wet rain weather.
So then we had a goood chat over a cup of coffee and then headed to my place to put up a wee shotoshoot and session. And had a blast !
But then, somehow, we accidently started to feel cold.
Felt like the whole backyard filled with freezing air and everything pretty much just froze.
I felt like someone was moving right next to us and I started to feel less and less happy and comfortable.
I saw Riina going blue.
And then. Suddenly, without a warning, a dementor attacked Annika.
Luckily, Annika has some strong powers in her back pocket so she managed the attacker and the sun started to shine again in Klaukkala.
So a really good day, maybe some video of our sessions next time ?!
